What is This Feeling?
by Scaring Neighbors is Fun
Summary: A story about two very different girls, from different lives and how school, love and life make them friends - told through songs from diff. musicals Please read and review!
1. Rent

Disclaimer: We don't own anything but the characters we made up.

What Is This Feeling?

By- Lest The Stars Diminish and Xela Lupe

Chapter One

~~~

MARK:

_How do you documentary a life_

_When real life's getting more like fiction each day?_

_Headlines, breadlines blow my mind_

_And now this deadline:_

_"Eviction or pay!"___

_RENT!_

_~~~_

            Alastriana Niamh Dubhcana hummed as she sewed. For once, nothing was wrong with her life. Sure, the tiny house she shared with her huge family had no electricity, the plumbing was primitive, and they had to make their own clothes- but that was the only life she'd ever known. She'd had bigger worries earlier in her life. At fifteen years old, she had ten siblings. She was the second-eldest, and the oldest girl. She had been invited to go to a boarding school a few years before, she knew that much, but her mother had thrown the letter out and wrote a curt letter that stated that Alastriana would be unable to attend because of duties she had at home. Apparently, that was sufficient, five years later she was pretty much the sole parent of eight children. Her mother was usually too stoned or drunk to do much of anything- definitely too out of it to responsibly look after children, the youngest of whom was completely deaf. 

            The children had never had a father. Her mother had a continuous string of men coming into the house, making a beeline for the bedroom, completely ignoring the children who had to sleep on hard wooden floors, and left money on their mother's nightstand. Alastriana would steal what she could to buy what she needed. When her mother caught her… she didn't like to think about what happened… so she didn't often let herself get caught. 

~~~

ROGER:

_How do you write a song_

_When the chords sound wrong_

_Though they once sounded right and rare_

_But the notes are sour_

_Where is the power_

_You once had to ignite the air_

_And we're hungry and frozen_

_Some life that we've chosen_

_How we gonna pay_

_How we gonna pay_

_How we gonna pay_

_Last years rent_

_We light candles_

~~~

            Every so often her mother would get pregnant and nine months later there'd be another mouth to feed. The children raised each other. In fact, Alastriana herself had been named by her older brother, Alastor. Alastor was about seven when she was born, and a notoriously poor speller. Her birth certificate read "Alastrina". She couldn't talk; however, her younger brother (aged twelve) was called Crouton. She'd named him. They'd gotten slightly more creative with names as they got older. The remaining six siblings were Gavroche, Katy-Rose, Hiaarani, Melantha, Pol, Bethag, and Muadhnait.

            Gavroche was eight years old, and a very precocious child. Alastor, Alastriana, and Crouton been quite alarmed when Gavroche had started speaking in complete and complex sentences before he was a year old. They were floored when they found out that his IQ was in excess of 160. It was a terribly shame, the other residents of the small town that the Dubhcanas lived in, that Gavroche was born a Dubhcana. He might have been able to make something of himself had it not been for the fact that they were dirt poor, the scum of the earth, the children of a whore, all of them with different fathers.

~~~

ROGER:

_How do you start a fire_

_When there's nothing to burn_

_And you feel like something stuck in your flue_

_How can you generate heat_

_When you can't feel your feet_

_And they're turning blue_

_You light up a mean blaze_

_With posters and screenplays_

_How we gonna pay_

_How we gonna pat_

_How we gonna pay_

_Last year's rent?_

~~~

            Alastriana sighed, though not loud enough to wake the sleeping children. Alastor had left home four years ago to seek his fortune. She hadn't heard from him since. He'd said he'd come back. He'd lied, apparently. Not a night went by that she didn't think of him.

            He'd left her all alone at the ripe old age of twelve- she'd done pretty well for herself since then. However, when Alastor left, all the chances she'd had to improve herself had gone with him.

~~~

COLLINS:

_How do you stay on your feet _

_When on every street_

_It's "trick-or-treat"_

_And tonight it's "trick"!_

~~~

            She heard someone tapping at the window. She looked up to see an… owl? It seemed to want to come in- Alastriana couldn't see why. It was a cold night, indeed- but her family didn't have heating so it wasn't much warmer indoors. Sighing as she stepped over the bodies of several sleeping children, she opened the window and the bird immediately flew in, perching on the back of the chair she'd been sitting on while making a new jacket for Bethag. She noticed for the first time that it had a letter bound to its leg. "Let me get that off of you…" she whispered, hoping the bird wouldn't get frightened and fly away. To her surprise, the bird held out its leg and waited while she untied the scroll of paper. It was heavy parchment, which was unusual in itself, but the mere fact that it was addressed to her made her wonder who outside the town knew that she was alive.

_Lass, _(it began)

_            I'm sorry it's been such a long time. The thing is… I haven't found much. It's not for lack of trying, but we don't have many job prospects. You have skills and I have… something of an education- but we have no place to go from here. If we don't do something soon you and the children will be stuck in that godforsaken town until you all die. _

_            You received a letter several years back- the one Mum threw out. I rescued it from the garbage… and I'm with the people who sent it to you. It turns out, Lassie, that you're a witch. A real witch. You were supposed to come to this school, Hogwarts, five years ago. Mum lied to you. They were offering you a full scholarship- they would have even paid for your books. Anything you'd have needed would have been offered. Those weird quirks we were always trying to hide from the neighbors? That was your magic making itself evident._

_            I'm at the school right now. Apparently, the letter Mum sent back stated that you were critically ill and weren't expected to live long. You must write to these people. They may still take you. You'd have to work terribly hard to catch up- but think of it! You'd be away from that house; you'd be free to do what you wanted._

_            The children… are an issue. I know you just can't leave them with Mum… but have you considered asking some of the townspeople to take them in? A few of the older women who have never had children would probably be glad to have a child to spoil. I know it's against your principles to give up the children, to let other people relieve you of your burden, but please, Lass- consider it. Please._

_            They're really not your job. We're talking about your future. Do you really want to stay in a town where you're just another Dubhcana? Mum hasn't paid her rent or any bills or taxes for years. It's only a matter of time before people come looking for money and when they realize there is none, they'll take the house._

_            It's your choice. Think about it. If you decide to come to Hogwarts, send word back with the owl. Address the letter to Headmaster Albus Dumbledore._

_As always,_

_Your loving brother,_

_Alastor__ Wolfgang Dubhcana_

            "He's lost his fucking mind. I can't just leave here," she said, before realizing that the only thing in the room awake enough to hear her was the owl. "I… I just can't. It all sounds so wonderful… but I… I can't."

            The owl hooted softly and she reached out to stroke it. "Maybe… no. I couldn't. And I'd be so old… too old if normal children start learning to be witches at eleven! I'm nearly sixteen!"

            The owl looked at her as though to say, 'and your point is?'

            "My point is… I can't just pack up and leave!"

            'Why not?' the owl's eyes seemed to say.

            "'Cause it just wouldn't be right, that's why. I can't just abandon the kids like their fathers… and my father… did."

            'It's not abandonment. You'll be back for them.'

            "How the hell are you able to convey that much in a glance? Maybe I'm losing my mind and projecting my thoughts onto you. You're… saying isn't really the right word… nor is telling… but you're telling me just what I want to hear. All right, I'll write this man, this Albus Dumbledore. I doubt he'll take in a student who's nearly six years too old… but it's worth a try, I guess."

            She searched for a pen and wrote on the back of Alastor's letter:

_Dear Sir,_

_            My name is Alastriana Niamh Dubhcana. I don't know if you're serious about allowing me to attend Hogwarts… but I'd like to take you up on your generous offer of… five years ago. I know it'll be a lot of work to catch up to the other students but… I'd really like a chance. Contact me if you'll let me attend. You know how to find me, no doubt. I've been living in the same town all my life. I don't go far._

_Respectfully yours,_

_Alastriana__ Dubhcana_

~~~

BENNY:

_Forces are gathering,_

_Forces are gathering, _

_'Can't turn away,_

_Forces are gathering_

COLLINS:

_Ughhh___

_Ughhh___

_Ughhh__- I can't think_

_Ughhh___

_Ughhh___

_Ughhh__- I need a drink_

MARK:

_The music ignites the night with passionate fire!_

ROGER:

_The narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit!_

~~~

            The minute she'd given the letter to the owl and watched it fly off into the darkness, she felt ill. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. Could she handle this?

            The house. They'd take away the house. Alastriana sighed, her grandparents had built this house. They'd been nothing like her mother. Her grandmother's surname had been Mc… Mc-something. It was an honest name, however. Nothing like Dubhcana. In a town as small as the one Alastriana lived in- names mattered. She wondered if they mattered in Hogwarts. _I have to get out of this town,_ she thought. _I have to get away… I have to get out of this town…_

            That would become her mantra.

~~~

MARK:

_Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground_

MARK and ROGER:

_And feel the heat of the future's glow!_

MARK and COMPANY:

_How do you leave the past behind_

_When it keeps finding ways to get to your heart?_

_It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out_

_'Till you're torn apart!___

_Rent_

~~~

            She'd leave as soon as she got the children settled into new homes. It shouldn't take long. Her mother wouldn't put up much of a fight- she'd have the house to herself then, to do whatever she wanted.

            Alastriana would leave her past behind. 

            "And maybe no one at Hogwarts will call me by that goddamn nickname. I will scream if anyone calls me Lassie ever again. Do I look like a collie? Hmm… only sometimes when I wake up in the morning."

            She sighed, "I've got to get out of here. I've started talking to myself."

~~~

ROGER and COMPANY:

_How can you connect in an age _

_Where strangers, landlords, lovers_

_Your own blood cells betray!_

COMPANY:

_What binds the fabric together_

_When the raging, shifting winds of change_

_Keep ripping away?_

BENNY:

_Draw a line in the sand_

_And then make a stand!_

ROGER:

_Use your camera to spar_

MARK:

_Use your guitar_

COMPANY:

_When they act tough- you call their bluff!_

~~~

            She would go to Hogwarts. She'd use all of the resources she had available- and some she didn't. She'd steal, she'd fight, and she do whatever was necessary. "'Course I have no idea where I'm going to get the money from. I can't steal that much from Mum. She'll notice after a while. I'm hardly going to sell the children."

            Deciding that there wasn't much else she could do that night, Alastriana undressed, and fell asleep on the floor with the other children. They'd discuss what was going on in the morning.

~~~

COMPANY:

_We're not gonna pay_

_Last year's rent_

_This year's rent_

_Next year's rent_

_Rent, rent, rent, rent, rent_

_We're not gonna pay rent_

MARK and ROGER:

_'Cause everything is rent!_

~~~


	2. Green Finch and Linnet Bird

Disclaimer: We don't own anything but the characters we made up.

What Is This Feeling?

By- Lest The Stars Diminish and Xela Lupe

Chapter Two

~~~

JOHANNA:

_Green finch and linnet bird,_

_Nightingale, blackbird,_

_How is it you sing?_

_~~~_

            The birds were such bright colors; a flying rainbow as they swirled throughout the large, silver cage. They sang loud and sweet, twittering lovely sounds. It was a beautiful sight. The cage was sitting in the courtyard of an enormous stately garden, full of towering sculpted hedges in something of a maze. It wound-around an area of at least one square mile. But though the garden was full of so many plants and living things, it looked dead. There were no flowers and the only color in the garden came from the birds. A teenage girl was standing outside the cage, running her fingers through a bag of birdseeds. Her long curly hair shown a reddish gold in the rare British sunshine. Tears shimmered in her eyes and as she closed them, one ran down her face. Her face, which had seemed to show a graceful melancholy look a moment before suddenly fell into an expression of utter rage and she slammed her hand against the cage. The birds inside flew around, frightened and scared. The cage shook uncontrollably. 

            "Why must you taunt me so!" she cried out at the fluttering feathers. She grabbed a handful of seeds and flung them about randomly in a fit of rage. "How can you sing like that? Don't you realize you are trapped? You will die in that cage! Why don't you understand!" she screamed at the top of her lungs and her anguished voice rang out into the silence of the garden. She banged her hands against the cage against. She didn't know where all this rage had come from or why it had decided to come out at that specific moment but she did know that if she didn't do something about it, she would positively explode. Her rage suddenly focused on furniture in the garden – a few chairs and a glass table. She overturned the chairs and threw the glass table on its side, shattering it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that the birds were still singing.

~~~

JOHANNA:

_How can you jubilate_

_Sitting in cages_

_Never taking wing?_

~~~

            A loud voice suddenly came from the towering mansion to which the garden belonged.

            "Marlitarlianagui Amarintiocarlia Saint-Luchia de Dominu!"

            The girl's feelings of rage were immediately replaced by feelings of intense fear. She turned around slowly to face the building behind her. In one of the lower windows of the right tower she could recognize her father, Master Dominu's menacing frame.

            "Get inside this house right now!" he yelled. Marlitarlianagui looked once more at the rattled birds and the destroyed patio set and then did as her father had wanted. She walked to the main hall and stood near the foot of the stairs that led to the tower her father was in. She could hear his footsteps echoing as he walked down the stairs much faster than she would have liked. He was angry. She supposed he had the right to be. She had acted like a two year old would have, smashing things randomly. That was not the way a Dominu acted. She was a lady and she should know better. Her father reached the end of the stairs and Marlitarlianagui took one look at his eyes and immediately shifted her gaze to the floor. The man was frightening looking when he was angry. He had severely slicked back dark hair and ice cold grey eyes that seemed to bore into your skull and read your mind.

            "What in the name of Hecai were you doing at there?!" He yelled. Marlitarlianagui looked up at him.

            "I was… Father, I was just… frustrated…" she didn't know what to say.  

            "Frustrated!" He raised his hand and the girl flinched for fear he would hit her but he merely touched her cheek where a piece of flying glass from the table had cut her. He sighed. In his mind he was thinking that he should not have to deal with these types of problems. He'd gotten along fine with his daughter for sixteen years but now – ever since her mother died, she's been nothing but trouble to him. Of course, if he had thought about it more he would have realized that he only seemed to have trouble with his daughter now that her mother and his wife had died was because, before that, he didn't have to deal with her. She'd been her mother's responsibility. He didn't know how to take care of a child. He cursed his wife under his breath that she'd had the nerve to die and leave him with such a brat. "Frustrated is when you slam your fist on the table! Not when you smash furniture! I can't believe you would act so immature! What were you thinking! Your mother and I raised you better than that! You are a Dominu young lady and with that names comes certain very clear expectations and boundaries. You're behavior today was lowly and common and I have half a mind to kick you out of this house. You have been nothing but a pain in my side ever since your mother died! Of course, dealing with you I'm surprised she didn't die sooner! I would have killed myself!" He yelled at his daughter. He sounded as immature as she had though he didn't realize it. Both were emotionally unstable and neither knew what to do about it.

            "Are you saying that it's my fault my mother died you selfish wretch?!" Marlitarlianagui screamed back at her father. She couldn't believe he'd said something like that. She felt her rage boiling up once more.

            "Well if you hadn't given her so much trouble perhaps her heart wouldn't have given out so soon! If you had accepted your life! But no! You always complain! Being part of the oldest, most prestigious family is wizarding history wasn't good enough for you! Having every comfort! Your every need met!"

            "My every need?! All I've ever wanted was to be away from this place! I never asked to be part of this family and I've never wanted to be!"

            "Well you don't have a bloody choice in the matter! You are a Dominu and you will act like one or I will see to it that you are locked in your room until the end of your days! I will not have my daughter out disgracing our family name!"

            "Then you had better lock me up! I want no part of this family!"

            "Fine!" 

            "Fine!" Marlitarlianagui crossed her arms and turned away from her father. This was the third or fourth screaming match they'd had in the last month. First it had been about sending her to school after her mother died. Her mother had always been her tutor since it was considered indecent for a Dominu to be taught along with the "commoners." The last thing Marlitarlianagui wanted was to spend any more time than was necessary in her father's house so she had taken it upon herself to contact the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and see if they might be persuaded to take her in so late. They had accepted and when she told her father, he had done everything but beat her senseless. Still, she had stuck and finally convinced him to let her go when the next school year began. The other memorable argument was one still not settled and always a hot debate. That of Marlitarlianagui's eventual arranged marriage – an idea she was firmly against in every way.  Whenever she and her father began to yell, all the servants in the house wisely stayed clear for it would have been deadly to get in one of their ways. Master Dominu yelled for Alabertha, one of their maidservants. 

            "Alabertha! Take this wretched girl and lock her in her bedroom! Is that understood!?" He yelled and the frightened older woman nodded and took Marlitarlianagui by one arm and led her to her room. She didn't put up a fight with the maidservant for she didn't want to hurt the poor woman who was only doing her job, but she was all ready thinking of ways to get back at her father. Soon she was in her bedroom and she heard the lock click from the outside. Fists clenched she strode over to her nightstand, picked up a decorative glass orb and threw it against the wall. Then she sunk onto the ground and began to cry.

~~~

JOHANNA:

_Outside the sky waits_

_Beckoning, beckoning_

_Just beyond the bars._

_How can you remain_

_Staring at the rain_

_Maddened by the stars?_

_How is it you sing anything?_

_How is it you sing?_

~~~

            Eventually the girl got up and stood by her window. It was soon to be evening and all ready she could see the moon coming out. It was full tonight. Bright and round, staring down at her. She looked away and her thoughts went back to that afternoon – what had made her so mad in the first place. Really, it was just everything cascading down on her. All the pain from her mother's death, having to deal with her father, the prospect of going to a new school – meeting new people when in her whole life she had only known the gentry her parents were friends with, the idea of an arranged marriage as well. It was too much for her to deal with all at once. She'd been living up to someone else's standards for as long as she could remember and she was tired of it. When her mother had been alive, she tried to put on a brave face. She knew her mother cared about her and wouldn't let her be miserable. But now that she was gone and Marlitarlianagui was left only with a father who didn't know how to deal with her or really be any kind of parent all, she was worried that she would be forced into becoming one of those trophy wives. The kind that stand there and smile next to their husbands as they are ignored and trampled until they have no spirit left within them. How could she deal with something like that? How could she fit in that life when it was the opposite of everything she wanted? The birds had set her off. They too were captive. Still though, even in their cage they had the nerve to sing sweetly, as if they were happy. She was expected to be a bird. To sit there and look pretty, smile when you were expected to smile, laugh when you were expected to laugh but never leave your cage.

~~~

JOHANNA:

_Green finch and linnet bird_

_Nightingale, blackbird,_

_How is it you sing?_

_Whence comes this melody constantly flowing?_

_Is it rejoicing or merely halloing?_

_Are you discussing or fussing_

_Or simply dreaming? _

_Are you crowing?_

_Are you screaming?_

~~~

            No one deserved to be kept in a cage like that. Not bird nor beast nor human girl. That couldn't be her fate. There had to be something else. 

            A knock came from the other side of her door and she jumped.

            "Yes?" she asked coldly, thinking it may have been her father.

            "Miss Dominu? The Master would like you to come down to dinner now. He says that he's ready to talk about whatever was bothering you seriously." The woman relaying the message sounded nervous.

            Marlitarlianagui felt her anger creeping back and struggled to keep it at bay. She would go downstairs and he would pretend that it had been all her fault, that she'd been irrational and now it was time to calm down and talk civilly about the matters at hand. Quite frankly, she was not in the mood to do anything of the sort. 

            "Tell him that I will do no such thing and that if he wishes to talk civilly he may come and apologize to me himself," she said curtly.

            She could tell the maid outside the door was fussing now. "Please Miss, your father just wants to speak with you. It's, well if you don't mind my intruding Miss, it's the proper thing to do…"

~~~

JOHANNA:

_Ringdove and robinet_

_Is it for wages?_

_Singing to be sold?_

_Have you decided it's_

_Safer in cages,_

_Singing when you're told?_

~~~

            Marlitarlianagui almost hissed at the word. Proper. All her life she had heard about being proper and she was sick of it. The last thing she wanted to be was proper.

            "It may be proper but I will not speak to him and that is that. If you do not leave me alone right now I will have you fired!" the girl said sternly toward the door. The maid muttered a 'yes, miss' and left. 

            Marlitarlianagui looked at the room around her. She knew that if she didn't agree to talk to her father, he would leave her locked in her room. She'd never had to hold out for very long there but she often wondered how long he would keep her in there if she didn't eventually apologize. He'd threatened so many times to make her room a real cage by putting bars on the windows that she'd stopped being afraid of the prospect. He was all empty threats. He wanted to make her feel bad, to guilt her into doing what he wanted. He often told her how grateful she should be to be born into such privilege but it only made her angrier. She never asked for her decadent lifestyle and if she could give it up she would have in a moment. Her gilded cage.

~~~

JOHANNA:

_My cage has many rooms_

_Damask and dark._

_Nothing there sings,_

_Not even my lark._

_Larks never will, you know_

_When they're captive,_

_Teach me to be more adaptive._

~~~

            She heard her father yell downstairs. He was undoubtedly angry that she refused to come down to dinner. Suddenly, the thought of having him come up and yell at her made her shake with anger. She looked at her window back at the sheets on her bed. She knew that it was a long way down from her window to the ground but she had a lot of sheets. She began pulling them off her bed and tying them together. She'd seen enough muggle movies to know how the whole process worked. In the end, tying every sheet on her bed and in her closet got her about five sixths of the way down to the ground. She tied the end of the sheet rope to her bed frame and got out her wand. Hopefully she'd think of something useful by the time she got to the bottom of the sheet rope. Without wasting another thought, she began to climb out of her window and away from her accursed house.

~~~

JOHANNA:

_Green finch and linnet bird_

_Nightingale, blackbird_

_Teach me how to sing!_

_If I cannot fly,_

_Let me sing!_

~~~     


End file.
